Choose Happiness

Greetings everyone!!

Just a simple reminder for you to choose happiness. Whatever that means in your life. Choose it on a small scale as well as a large scale. I ascribe to the philosophy that if you choose happiness in the smaller decisions in life, you will undoubtedly create happiness in the long-run. It makes logical sense.

..::side note::..

(Re)examining or discovering what makes you happy may be a good idea

Metaphorically speaking, if you're following driving directions correctly, you will DEFINITELY reach you destination. If you get distracted and/or deviate from those directions, the journey may become difficult, it will delay reaching the destination. And if you stray far enough from the "plan" or directions, you may never reach that destination (in this case happiness).

I hope that made sense.

Always remember that happiness is a conscious choice, it doesn't come automatic in life. You have to work at achieving it. There are ways to seek, cultivate, and maintain it. This is all relative to each person's life. To each her own....really. I recommend finding it within yourself rather than relying on someone/something else to provide it for you. This is to ensure it's sustainment. People and things come and go, but the woman in the mirror will always be there! :)

That's all for now.

Love yourself.

Peace

No "Good Black Men" Revisited

Sistas,

Before we form our mouths to say “there are no good black men” we need to look at this from a different perspective. Here, we’ll visit the socio-economic factors then we’ll go into personal accountability.

BUT FIRST: It’s one thing to want a man that meets your “standards” aka requirements and it’s another thing to have unattainable standards. Reevaluate those first. Accountability.

It is fact that black men make up the MAJORITY of the prison population (in comparison to any other race&sex) and the MINORITY of the college population. So while you’re getting your master’s master’s, he has been going day to day being “a black man in America.” With this comes a lot: racial profiling, glass ceilings, being over-looked for “good jobs,” “driving while black,” street influences, pressures from every-whicha-way be they psychological, physical, emotional etc.

You HAVE never, and WILL never, walk a DAY in the life of a black man so beware of how you speak of these Kings. Being the advocate for personal accountability, I recommend that we be more conscious of the prejudices we place on our brothers. Check yourself before pointing the finger at anyone.

Maybe you get “dogged” because there is something in YOU that allows that to happen in your Queendom.

Maybe you can’t find “a good man” because of the places YOU’RE looking. Being uber-selective is a gift and a curse. Blinders can only leave you blind; blind to someone good for/to you.

You should know what a good woman is BEFORE you go looking for a “good man.” Know how you should be treated and why you deserve it. That will weed out SO much. Build yourself up before seeking your reflection. BE a Queen if you want a King.

Maybe YOU’RE not ready for what you’re looking for (emotionally, psychologically etc.)

I say all this to say, we should be more conscious of our thoughts, words and actions in reference to our brothers. The “easy way out” is to point the finger. Think about all the of the circumstantial factors before making such a powerful statement about the men with whom our legacy is dependent. There is no us without them and vice versa.

Peace & Unity.

This is a video I came across. I'm not in TOTAL agreement with all of the claims in this video, but I dig where the brother is coming from. Take a look.

What I Want for Us...

Peace Queens,

As the (calendar) year comes to a close, I'd like to share my wish/dream/hope for us. These come in no particular order, but they all stem from the initial thought of "health, wealth and knowledge of self."

For my sisters,

I want you to be in-tuned with yourselves: physically, mentally, spiritually.

Take time for introspection. Figure YOU out-at this point in your life.

Make THE BEST decisions. period.

Carry (and use) your own condoms. (it had to be said.)

Find/Create your happiness.

Be purpose-full.

Be positive.

Open your mind.

Support black owned business first. (I had to splash that in here too)

Invest in your health.

Dare to dream. Don't mistake improbable for impossible...

Read more.

Learn more.

Grow more.

BE more.

..::these are for you as well as myself. I am well-aware of my perpetual "room for improvement"::..

This is not a comprehensive list. I could go on ...forever. I honestly want the absolute BEST for my people, specifically my sisters. You/me/i/we make the world ...(go 'round). I think there is SO much potential within US, our existence, our enlightenment, our collectivity, our love. We just have to wake up and have a sincere interest in ourselves, our families, our community and our legacy. I chose to post this entry now because this is a time when most people actually think about their lives: reorganize, reevalute, "reboot, refresh, restart." This is something to consider this New Year's Eve/Full Moon/ Lunar Eclipse.

..::sidenote, really quick::..You=Moon (we share a 28day cycle, do the knowledge).

Full Moon= fullest potential. Sip on that. :)

Peace & Prosperity Queens.

PostQuote: "Live your best life"

To My Queens

This is for all the Queens, Mothers of the Earth, Womb-of-men.

Just in case you need a reminder...

Read

Beautiful Flower Lyrics

here.

More on Baggage...

I just wanted to share this gem..

"[Relationships] do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you" -The Power of Now

Think about this as a possibility.

..::INTROSPECTION::..

Peace.

Pack light

I send greetings to all, and to all I send greetings.

I'd like to talk about the idea/issue of "baggage." What this term has come to mean? How to recognize it and how to "pack light" as the Queen Erykah Badu puts it.

WHAT IS BAGGAGE?

It's simply emotional remains/scars/prejudices that are left on a person (male or female) after a relationship or an event. It can be small and have a small impact or heavy like the physical weight of baggage and have a long lasting effect on a person and their future relationships. Some argue, that baggage is a self-defense mechanism to ensure not getting hurt by the next relationship. I vehemently disagree. There is absolutely NO room for baggage in order for a relationship to be successful.

Baggage comes in all shapes and forms, to the point where some people don't know they have it. We're only truly cognizant of our own "baggage" when we have done introspection. This takes humility, an open mind, and truth. You need to humble yourself so you can see yourself for who you REALLY are (or have become). There is no room for pride or denial in this process; otherwise, you will not learn to know the TRUE YOU. An open mind is necessary for the new information you may reveal to yourself ABOUT yourself that you're not used to seeing. And finally, being true TO and WITH yourself is the only way to self-discovery. In this case, discovering the "baggage" if any.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE BAGGAGE?

Before I answer that, the first thing that comes to mind is "all men are dogs." If this phrase is a part of your speech at any given time, THAT'S a sign of baggage. Secondly, "baby mama drama" is not baggage unless the man allows it to be. HE has t-o-t-a-l control over that situation, or should. Ok, to answer the question: whenever you feel prejudices toward men or the man you're with: THAT'S baggage. NOT ALL MEN ARE ALIKE. Some may be SIMILAR, some may REMIND you of someone else, but they are as unique as fingerprints. They are not clones. The source of the baggage is your past experiences/relationships.

..::"but I don't want to get hurt again"::..

The source of the pain is no longer in your life. You can't blame and/or punish ManX for what ManY did. ManX has done no wrong. Even if ManX REMINDS you of ManY, he (ManX) is still NOT ManY: the source of your pain.

Packing light...

My personal trick is like the grade system in school. The day you walk in, you have 100%, it's up to YOU to bring it down. That's how I treat men. They have 100% of my trust and compassion until THEY mess it up...IF they chose to do so.

You can't expect a man to KNOW you've been hurt before, and it's quite unseemly to tell him. Let your past be your past. Keep your third eye open because THERE IS a fine line between not carrying "baggage" and not being naive to situations. Resilience is also key! Stay strong, be optimistic. And finally, introspection can illuminate and eliminate. Think about it...literally.

Peace Y'al!! xoxo

"I betcha love can make it better" (love of self)

..::image courtesy of Dawn Okoro::..

Life: A Puzzle

Peace & Positivity beautiful people!

This one is just piggy-backing off the last post, in reference to puzzle pieces.

I often compare life to a puzzle. Everything we do, see, experience etc makes up the puzzle of our respective lives. Every piece in the "puzzle box" serves its purpose and makes the big picture of who/what we are: past, present and future. Furthering that, everything happens for a reason. The "creator" of the puzzle put THAT many pieces in YOUR box for you to do, see, experience etc. Also, (like fingerprints) no two people's puzzles are alike even if they were raised in the same household, born on the same day, share the same bloodline. You can see this within your closest cipher. I firmly believe in this metaphor.

Every person we meet fits into this puzzle; whether it be a life-long love or a "random" stranger on the street. Everything we experience makes up the person we are today. If we've been pampered all our lives or beaten and battered, our puzzle reflects our pieces.

Even though the "creator" of the puzzle put these pieces in our box, WE have the ability to determine whether a piece is significant or not. With that, we have to ability to create the picture that the puzzle is creating over time. Meaning we have the ability to kick some person/thing out of the main image into the "sky" part of the puzzle, where that piece is less significant and less recognizable....and vice versa.

Keep this metaphor going. I'd love to hear your perspective...

Peace

You Are Everything...and Everything is You. *side eye*

Peace Family,

There was a point in time where I wanted to be my man's "everything." I wanted him to depend on me for everything he would need. I would pride myself in being able to BE that homie, lover, friend, girlfriend, counselor, roll-dog, advisor, psychologist, Bonnie to his Clyde etc etc. I would seek to be ALL of these out of my/our nurturing nature.

Nowadays, I have to reconsider that line of thinking.

Now, I consider it a turnoff to be a man's everything. No more "You're my world" "You're my everything" "You complete me." My reply: You, my friend, need to be complete within yourself first, as I will be the same.

A man (like a woman) has specific needs that CANNOT be fulfilled by one person. You need different interactions with different people on a regular basis to be socially balanced. Your bff and/or opposite sex friend will give you different energy, different perspective, bring a different light than your mate and vice versa. Neither is better than the other, but both are necessary for a social balance.

I would MUCH rather be a piece of the puzzle (that is his life) than then ENTIRE puzzle. Being the entire puzzle is definitely a turnoff because it's a sign of dependency. Dependency is, arguably, a sign of weakness. Dependency is for children, not for grown, mature men. I think, it's much better to be wanted rather than needed. Compliment rather than complete. I'd rather deal with a "complete" man rather than "half/incomplete" man still seeking 'wholeness.'

I say all that to say, being a man's "everything" is not all it's cracked up to be when you break it down to what is really being said. A complete woman complimenting a complete man: that's LOVE.

Weigh in on this one... Your thoughts are definitely insightful and appreciated.

Peace.

A Lesson I Learned from Brown Sugar

Peace my people,

LONG Time! I know! I'd love to fill you in about my whereabouts in my absence but this blog isn't about ME. Let's get to it! OK? OK.

In "the life & times" of Janine, I tend to find mini lessons in most of my daily activities and would like to share one with you.

I recently bought a bike (featured above). Her name is Brown Sugar. On one of our many adventures, we ended up on the Brooklyn Bridge. I usually ride her to the Manhattan side and then RIGHT back. The "lesson" came to me on one of our journeys.

Coming back from Manhattan is quite a task. The uphill is steeper than leaving Brooklyn. I found

the (life) lesson in that very trip.

I noticed that I HAVE to continue to pedal while riding up the steep hill otherwise I may become stagnant or even drift in the opposite direction. So I thought: the same goes for life. If I have a goal that I'd like to reach-whether big or small- there is no time for deviation from that plan, no breaks, no side-tracking from that mission.

While biking, I can stop for the beautiful view or to admire the architecture. But, in reference to my "goal" it's a waste of time. I can simply glance at the view and/or enjoy the pleasant weather while still moving forward. It is all a part/the beauty of the journey.

SIDEBAR: Months before I got Brown Sugar, I would rent bikes to go around town. One day another biker flew past me as I was "coasting" and yelled back to me "Never stop pedaling." I find this extremely relevant for this metaphor. As to say, never stop going for that goal/dream/aspiration. Keep pedaling until you achieve it.

ALSO!!

While on the bridge, there is a place for walkers and a place for bikers. These walkers don't know your beautiful struggle and probably don't/won't understand it. Their path and pace is different from yours. They take their time to reach their destination and that's their choice. You two are in two different lanes: not better or worse, just different.

I say ALL that to say (1) Never stop pedaling; and (2) Find the lessons that life reveals to you on a regular basis. The saying is "you learn something new everyday." What if that "something" is about Life or about Self?

Just food for thought.

Peace people. :)

PS: this metaphor can extend in SO many different directions. I tried to keep this short and concise. Feel free to add to the metaphor.

Your Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Peace Earths,

Listen to the original and the Queens' version.

I heard these back in college but they seem to have new meaning in my "new ears." Timeless pieces.

Enjoy.

Gil Scott-Heron- The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Read

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised Lyrics

here.

Sarah Jones- Your Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Read

Your Revolution Lyrics

here.