You Are Everything...and Everything is You. *side eye*

Peace Family,

There was a point in time where I wanted to be my man's "everything." I wanted him to depend on me for everything he would need. I would pride myself in being able to BE that homie, lover, friend, girlfriend, counselor, roll-dog, advisor, psychologist, Bonnie to his Clyde etc etc. I would seek to be ALL of these out of my/our nurturing nature.

Nowadays, I have to reconsider that line of thinking.

Now, I consider it a turnoff to be a man's everything. No more "You're my world" "You're my everything" "You complete me." My reply: You, my friend, need to be complete within yourself first, as I will be the same.

A man (like a woman) has specific needs that CANNOT be fulfilled by one person. You need different interactions with different people on a regular basis to be socially balanced. Your bff and/or opposite sex friend will give you different energy, different perspective, bring a different light than your mate and vice versa. Neither is better than the other, but both are necessary for a social balance.

I would MUCH rather be a piece of the puzzle (that is his life) than then ENTIRE puzzle. Being the entire puzzle is definitely a turnoff because it's a sign of dependency. Dependency is, arguably, a sign of weakness. Dependency is for children, not for grown, mature men. I think, it's much better to be wanted rather than needed. Compliment rather than complete. I'd rather deal with a "complete" man rather than "half/incomplete" man still seeking 'wholeness.'

I say all that to say, being a man's "everything" is not all it's cracked up to be when you break it down to what is really being said. A complete woman complimenting a complete man: that's LOVE.

Weigh in on this one... Your thoughts are definitely insightful and appreciated.

Peace.

Compare Not

I was in a store recently and a woman said I looked great and she’d love to be my size. I never know how to respond to comments like this. All I could say to the sista was “you should embrace yours.” (in the most un-pretentious way possible- sounded like sweetie should've been attached at the end). I know we can be our own worst critics but comparison takes it to a deeper low. I wish we would all just love the bodies that we were given. The good the bad and the (seemingly) ugly. WHY do you think _______ is ugly? Who says it’s ugly? And do they REALLY matter? REALLY? 

More often than not, you feel worse about yourself once you compare yourself to other women. Why even do it? I think it’s becoming instantaneous to compare. We need to catch ourselves if we find ourselves comparing. We should just stop at the “admiration” stage of this thought process and simply compliment the sista on whatever it is we appreciate about her look. ...OH and comparing to make yourself feel better is just mean-spirited. I won’t even address that type of energy.  I don’t think you’d be reading this blog if that’s your nature.

..::fade to black::..

OK! Mini-experiment: Try NOT watching music videos and consuming celebrity gossip media for a week (or even a month-yes I said a month!) and see if/how your confidence increases. At the same time, get to know “the mirror you” especially the “naked mirror you.” Check her out, every facet. Greet her everyday with a positive message. “You are beautiful, Queen” “Have I told you how gorgeous you are today?” “I am strong, beautiful, independent and a good person” ...etc. The list can go on, get creative.

Who said self-esteem only had exterior elements?  I honestly think beauty glows from within. Self-esteem starts from within. We have to have the inner confidence in order for the beauty to show on the outside- NO MATTER how “gorgeous” you think you are, or people say you are.  Real beauty is effortless. Beauty doesn’t need expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry, cars, etc. Those are all, arguably, signs of the lack of inner beauty from within. I love to see a sista with a GLOW. No frills, just a glow that silently speaks volumes. Those are the people with whom I like to surround myself.

When you glow...you shine. 

PostQuote...well PostPoem: By the illustrious Maya Angelou