Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Randomness: "Love/Money; Love/Lust; Sex/Initimacy"

Peace Queens,

I've been absent so I feel like I owe you a few random gems I've been sitting on, thinking about over the past few weeks.

The three terms: love, money and intimacy are thrown around and in some circles, they are interchangeable (consciously or subconsciously).

I've heard that for some men Love=Sex and for some women Love=Money.

..::just think about that one before proceeding::..

For my sistas who believe this to be true (either consciously or subconsciously) please take this out of your mind/psyche.

Love DOES NOT equal money. Money DOES NOT equal Love. EVER!

Don't equate the amount/size of the gifts he gives you, the places he takes you, the size of the ring etc, to how much he loves you. It's superficial and you're worth so much more than that: YOU'RE PRICELESS. You, nor your love, has no price tag and CANNOT be bought! Learn that. Know that. It may feel good when you're basking in these things but demand more. You deserve non-monetary things that mean more and last longer (undivided attention, a warm embrace, quality time, unfiltered affection etc). And if this mean absolutely nothing to you, puh-lease take an introspective look as to why these things mean so much to you. (keep asking yourself "why" to dig deeper).

Love DOES NOT equal lust. Lust DOES NOT equal love. EVER!

This is an "oldie but a goodie." And at this point I would HOPE I would not have to add this one but I recognize that we are not all at the same place in our lives so I have no problem reiterating. Plainly put, lust is solely physical, love is spiritual, emotional, psychological,cosmic. Just because you lust after someone (relationship or not) does NOT mean you love him. To think that, is an insult to the phenomenon that is LOVE. Please never get the twain confused. One could argue that the two are mutually exclusive in that they cannot share the same space. And puh-lease take this phrase out of your colloquialisms "He can get it." I will dig deeper into this phrase at a later date. Just had to add that in right here. Quasi-relevant at this juncture.

Sex DOES NOT equal intimacy. Intimacy DOES NOT equal sex. EVER!

Another "oldie but goodie." I want this one to crystal clear to any/everyone who cares to read my blog. NEVER get sex and intimacy confused. Don't treat them as one in the same. Don't accept sex over intimacy. Don't even say them in the same sentence. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum. Not neighbors, not cousins, not even friends. If they saw each other on the street they wouldn't even recognize each other. Enough of the metaphors. I really should say "f*cking and intimacy are not the same" just to make it that much of a contrast. Seriously, they are REALLY two totally different experiences. Sex is the male and female genitalia fitting each other like puzzle pieces, hand in glove, foot in shoe (repeatedly). Intimacy is an experience. A closeness. Affection. Care. Concern. Compassion. It does NOT have to include the act of sexual intercourse. There a million ways to be intimate, one way to have sex. (Different positions, but one technical way to DO IT). :)

That is all for now. I hope I've cleared up any misconceptions on these terms/acts/experiences. If you have any further distinctions, please share. If you disagree, do share as well.

Peace Fam.

PHOTO: Bethanie Hines, PHOTO DESIGN: Keira Chang (here)


  1. This is a good post. People have lost the meaning of love. I explained to someone I was in a relationship with that love making is spiritual and has not much to do with intercourse. It took him a while to get that but he finally understood

  2. Thank you Queen. And thanks for sharing.

    It's not surprising that you had to make that distinction for him. Not to "male-bash" but our society has come so far removed from the spirituality of making love. I'm not sure when "hooking up", "one-night-stand" ,"fu@k buddy" "friend w/ benefits" or any of these other terms came into our lexicon but it's sadly become a norm.

    We have to educate ourselves (and others) as much as we can to get back to the sensuality, intimacy and connection that SHOULD be there. You know?!?! In some cultures, NOT ejaculating is connected to longevity, rejuvenation and a higher existence. It's encouraged NOT to do so. BUT I DIGRESS.

    Point is: We've lost THE key element to something that people have come to abuse. If it were taken more seriously (by both males and females) we would change in the quality of our lives.


  3. I liked this post! I agreed with you 100%.
    It's sad that sex and money are king but slowly some of us are waking up.


  4. Thank you for reading it! And yes waking up is ESSENTIAL to our future, prosperity, and survival. Im convinced that slowly but surely it will happen.