You Are Everything...and Everything is You. *side eye*

Peace Family,

There was a point in time where I wanted to be my man's "everything." I wanted him to depend on me for everything he would need. I would pride myself in being able to BE that homie, lover, friend, girlfriend, counselor, roll-dog, advisor, psychologist, Bonnie to his Clyde etc etc. I would seek to be ALL of these out of my/our nurturing nature.

Nowadays, I have to reconsider that line of thinking.

Now, I consider it a turnoff to be a man's everything. No more "You're my world" "You're my everything" "You complete me." My reply: You, my friend, need to be complete within yourself first, as I will be the same.

A man (like a woman) has specific needs that CANNOT be fulfilled by one person. You need different interactions with different people on a regular basis to be socially balanced. Your bff and/or opposite sex friend will give you different energy, different perspective, bring a different light than your mate and vice versa. Neither is better than the other, but both are necessary for a social balance.

I would MUCH rather be a piece of the puzzle (that is his life) than then ENTIRE puzzle. Being the entire puzzle is definitely a turnoff because it's a sign of dependency. Dependency is, arguably, a sign of weakness. Dependency is for children, not for grown, mature men. I think, it's much better to be wanted rather than needed. Compliment rather than complete. I'd rather deal with a "complete" man rather than "half/incomplete" man still seeking 'wholeness.'

I say all that to say, being a man's "everything" is not all it's cracked up to be when you break it down to what is really being said. A complete woman complimenting a complete man: that's LOVE.

Weigh in on this one... Your thoughts are definitely insightful and appreciated.

Peace.

A Lesson I Learned from Brown Sugar

Peace my people,

LONG Time! I know! I'd love to fill you in about my whereabouts in my absence but this blog isn't about ME. Let's get to it! OK? OK.

In "the life & times" of Janine, I tend to find mini lessons in most of my daily activities and would like to share one with you.

I recently bought a bike (featured above). Her name is Brown Sugar. On one of our many adventures, we ended up on the Brooklyn Bridge. I usually ride her to the Manhattan side and then RIGHT back. The "lesson" came to me on one of our journeys.

Coming back from Manhattan is quite a task. The uphill is steeper than leaving Brooklyn. I found

the (life) lesson in that very trip.

I noticed that I HAVE to continue to pedal while riding up the steep hill otherwise I may become stagnant or even drift in the opposite direction. So I thought: the same goes for life. If I have a goal that I'd like to reach-whether big or small- there is no time for deviation from that plan, no breaks, no side-tracking from that mission.

While biking, I can stop for the beautiful view or to admire the architecture. But, in reference to my "goal" it's a waste of time. I can simply glance at the view and/or enjoy the pleasant weather while still moving forward. It is all a part/the beauty of the journey.

SIDEBAR: Months before I got Brown Sugar, I would rent bikes to go around town. One day another biker flew past me as I was "coasting" and yelled back to me "Never stop pedaling." I find this extremely relevant for this metaphor. As to say, never stop going for that goal/dream/aspiration. Keep pedaling until you achieve it.

ALSO!!

While on the bridge, there is a place for walkers and a place for bikers. These walkers don't know your beautiful struggle and probably don't/won't understand it. Their path and pace is different from yours. They take their time to reach their destination and that's their choice. You two are in two different lanes: not better or worse, just different.

I say ALL that to say (1) Never stop pedaling; and (2) Find the lessons that life reveals to you on a regular basis. The saying is "you learn something new everyday." What if that "something" is about Life or about Self?

Just food for thought.

Peace people. :)

PS: this metaphor can extend in SO many different directions. I tried to keep this short and concise. Feel free to add to the metaphor.

Your Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Peace Earths,

Listen to the original and the Queens' version.

I heard these back in college but they seem to have new meaning in my "new ears." Timeless pieces.

Enjoy.

Gil Scott-Heron- The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Read

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised Lyrics

here.

Sarah Jones- Your Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Read

Your Revolution Lyrics

here.

Speak Positivity

Peace Wisdoms,

There is so much healing power in speaking/thinking positively. Our words-both written and spoken- have immeasurable power whether we feel it or not. There are several dogmas that subscribe to songs, spirituals, verbal chants, and/or recitations: all positive messages. Most motivational speakers encourage you to tell/feed yourself positive messages- sometimes in repetition. They know that ONE positive message can go a long way.

Positive messages create/build/maintain faith. They can create peace. Positive messages have strengthening power and have physiological AND psychological healing powers. Positive messages incite MORE positive messages. We feel better when we receive positive messages, the same goes for when we give them.

Thinking and speaking positively is most effective in times of adversity. No matter how bad the situation my seem, there is ALWAYS a positive that lies within. It can be teeny-tiny and hard to find, but it is definitely there.

I try to make a habit of discovering the "at leasts" in every seemingly bad situation. I was in a car accident last night (I'm perfectly fine btw). The accident was in no way my fault. I could have been livid based on the costs of the damage, the possible insurance premium increase, the fact that my plans were deterred. But I chose to stay positive. I even offered my step-father's services as he does auto-body work. Instead, I went down my mental list of "at leasts."

-At least...I can drive away unscathed.

-At least...the car is still drivable.

-At least...no one was hurt.

-At least...I'm still alive and well.

And this list could go on. And in some situations the ONLY at least will be "at least i'm still alive." And that's just a part of life. The purpose of this blog post is just to open your eyes to the immensely powerful "at least." Find the positive in everything you encounter. It's there! I can guarantee that!!!

Peace.

PostQuote: "When you're back's up against the wall, be happy you're standing" -Me

Talk to HER

Peace Everyone!

Just a quickie.

I would like everyone to make it a practice of looking in the mirror and speaking to their beautiful reflection.

Tell her she is a Queen.

Tell her she is ab.so.lute.ly beautiful (inside&out).

Tell her she a kind, caring person.

Tell her how proud YOU are to BE her.

Tell her you love her dearly and unconditionally.

Tell her you appreciate everything she IS and everything she's NOT.

Tell her all the wonderful things she is. SHE/YOU deserves it.

In life we're simply GIVEN messages....SOOO many messages via tv, magazine, radio, internet etc. We hardly make time to MAKE our own messages. Check in with yourself some time. Show YOU how much you love yourself.

We usually get messages from the media that work opposite our best interests-being the best us. We see women who we're subliminally taught to envy, look up to, want to be etc. Meanwhile losing sight of the beauty that greets us every morning. There are SO many wonderful aspects of US, I think, in today's society, it's easy to get caught up in everything/everyone else.

Let us reinforce the positives about ourselves a little more often. We're definitely worthy.

Hotep family.

BIG CHOP's Big Feature

Peace Queens,

I just wanted to spread the news. I reached out to an amazing website (www.coarsehairdiary.com) to post my BC. If I have a platform to tell my story, I most definitely will. I know there is power in sharing a story so I chose to be another voice. I was so elated that there were even interested. So I'm spreading my joy by re-posting what they posted! Enjoy. If you like my blog, you'll LOVE these sistas site. Check them out.

Here is the feature: http://www.coarsehairdiary.com/2009/08/natural-profiles-big-chop-caught-on.html

Peace.

Thanks Belle!

Live your LIFE!!! (*whispers* "ay ay ay ay ay ay")

Peace Queens,

Simply stated: You only get ONE. Live it to the fullest. Be your absolute best, at all times. Make wise decisions. Be the best YOU possible.

Do you realize you/me/we will never again see another June 1, 2009. There will never be another February 14, 1999, or March 29, 1989, never a “yesterday”...or even 5 minutes ago. Those days have come…. and gone. NEVVVVER to return again. We have GOT to make the most of our lives in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. After reading The Art of Happiness a few years ago, I contend that the purpose of life: find happiness. PERIOD. No matter what that means to you individually, find it, do it, BE it. Bottom line.

We can’t waste time in a job/career we detest, in a relationship with someone who “just AIN’T IT”, around “friends” who don’t have our best interest at heart, following in parent’s footsteps when we REALLY don’t want to. Basically making decisions that hurt more then help. It’s all wasting TIME! Taking away TIME that you don’t have to waste. Again, you only have ONE LIFE. You have to make the most of it-whatever that may mean in your world.

As women, we are naturally nurturing/giving. Beware not to give SO much of yourself, that you lose sight of who you are, what you want, and your happiness.

Peace Family,

PostQuote: Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s all about how you use/utilize it. -Me

"Regret"

Try to eliminate this word from your lexicon. I petition for an end of its usage. It’s such an ungrateful word.

I personally think that “regret” is a metaphoric “spit in the face” to whoever’s in control (God, Allah, Krishna, Creator, Universe, etc) of your life. You went through every single thing in your life ON/IN PURPOSE. From low self-esteem, promiscuity, family deaths, and that secret abortion to prom night, bible study, soccer practice and slumber parties (all are random to enforce a point). You most likely won’t know the purpose of it WHILE you go through it, but the reason will reveal itself in due time (if really want to know).

Sometimes it’s hard to “see the forest beyond the trees.” That is understandable. But regret?! It’s a meaningless pity-party. You should be grateful that you’re going through these things because it ultimately means GROWTH in the end. You are supposed to learn a lesson from everything you go through. If not, my guess, is you’ll keep experiencing similar situations until you understand the lesson beneath it all. Hindsight is always 20/20 when you are ready to receive that lesson.

I want the best for everyone reading this and wallowing in past “mistakes” is not an option. Love everything that you’ve experienced- the good the bad and the unspeakably ugly. It was a gift. Be thankful

Peace.

Randomness: "Love/Money; Love/Lust; Sex/Initimacy"

Peace Queens,

I've been absent so I feel like I owe you a few random gems I've been sitting on, thinking about over the past few weeks.

The three terms: love, money and intimacy are thrown around and in some circles, they are interchangeable (consciously or subconsciously).

I've heard that for some men Love=Sex and for some women Love=Money.

..::just think about that one before proceeding::..

For my sistas who believe this to be true (either consciously or subconsciously) please take this out of your mind/psyche.

Love DOES NOT equal money. Money DOES NOT equal Love. EVER!

Don't equate the amount/size of the gifts he gives you, the places he takes you, the size of the ring etc, to how much he loves you. It's superficial and you're worth so much more than that: YOU'RE PRICELESS. You, nor your love, has no price tag and CANNOT be bought! Learn that. Know that. It may feel good when you're basking in these things but demand more. You deserve non-monetary things that mean more and last longer (undivided attention, a warm embrace, quality time, unfiltered affection etc). And if this mean absolutely nothing to you, puh-lease take an introspective look as to why these things mean so much to you. (keep asking yourself "why" to dig deeper).

Love DOES NOT equal lust. Lust DOES NOT equal love. EVER!

This is an "oldie but a goodie." And at this point I would HOPE I would not have to add this one but I recognize that we are not all at the same place in our lives so I have no problem reiterating. Plainly put, lust is solely physical, love is spiritual, emotional, psychological,cosmic. Just because you lust after someone (relationship or not) does NOT mean you love him. To think that, is an insult to the phenomenon that is LOVE. Please never get the twain confused. One could argue that the two are mutually exclusive in that they cannot share the same space. And puh-lease take this phrase out of your colloquialisms "He can get it." I will dig deeper into this phrase at a later date. Just had to add that in right here. Quasi-relevant at this juncture.

Sex DOES NOT equal intimacy. Intimacy DOES NOT equal sex. EVER!

Another "oldie but goodie." I want this one to crystal clear to any/everyone who cares to read my blog. NEVER get sex and intimacy confused. Don't treat them as one in the same. Don't accept sex over intimacy. Don't even say them in the same sentence. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum. Not neighbors, not cousins, not even friends. If they saw each other on the street they wouldn't even recognize each other. Enough of the metaphors. I really should say "f*cking and intimacy are not the same" just to make it that much of a contrast. Seriously, they are REALLY two totally different experiences. Sex is the male and female genitalia fitting each other like puzzle pieces, hand in glove, foot in shoe (repeatedly). Intimacy is an experience. A closeness. Affection. Care. Concern. Compassion. It does NOT have to include the act of sexual intercourse. There a million ways to be intimate, one way to have sex. (Different positions, but one technical way to DO IT). :)

That is all for now. I hope I've cleared up any misconceptions on these terms/acts/experiences. If you have any further distinctions, please share. If you disagree, do share as well.

Peace Fam.

PHOTO: Bethanie Hines, PHOTO DESIGN: Keira Chang (here)

Randomness: "Settling Down"

I don't like the phrase settling down. 'Yeah man, when I'm ready to settle down, I'll...', 'yeah, I'm about ready to settle down'

Settle ...down

Settle ...down

Settle as in to accept the conditons/options left with/remaining

Down as in lower, less, beneath, under, less than

So is this to say you accept the lower conditions u are left with? Are you just taking what's left in the barrel for keeps because that's your last resort?

I for one will no longer use the phrase for it has extremely negative connotations. Making a commitment to someone shouldn't be expressed as 'settling down.' It should be celebrated in a way to show this person's love/ commitment for another person....that he/she is mature enough to make this conscious, informed definitive decision in choosing a mate.

This phrase is a subconscious manipulation of the unity b/w man and woman. It's a complimentary unity and is supposed to be a purposeful decision, not 'picking at left-overs' of your life. I just think we should be more mindful of the diction we choose to use. Words have SO much more power for which we give them credit.

That is all